US Government Receives Novel Punishment
The members of the current US administration have been impeached and sentenced to a novel type of punishment: to circle Capitol Hill wearing billboards saying 'I am a Thief. I Stole from The People of the United States of America.' Carl Rowe, being the smart-ass he is, had to write his sandwich poster in Latin. George Bush had to have Carl Rowe write his one. "It was too much hard work," comments President George W. Bush to the Swedish World News from Crawford, Texaco.
Full Story

Stonehenger Village Found---Villagers Possessed Superpowers!
The Stone Age village, where the builders of the famous Stonehenge archeological site resided, has finally been unearthed by archeologists. It consisted of hundreds of inhabitants, whose names tended to end in '-ix', and who acquired the superhuman strength necessary to erect the Stonehenge boulders from a magic potion prepared by their Druid.
Full Story

German Government Refused US Offer To Free Gitmo Prisoner:
The US government offered to return the 19-year-old Murat Kurnaz from Bremen---who was abducted by US troops in Pakistan during the so-called US 'War on Terror'---to Germany, on the grounds that Mr Kurnaz was clearly innocent of any crime even by the twisted American judicial system. Mr Kurnaz was held hostage at the US Guantanamo Bay detention center, were he was mentally and physically tortured for five years. The German government refused his early release, on the grounds that all its appropriate detention facilities had been torn down, or converted to museums, post 1945.
Full Story

Swedish King Recovers Crowns in Russia:
His Majesty King Carl XVI Gustaf Folke Hubertus Bernadotte of Sweden has reclaimed two of the three crowns that were lost in Russia in the wake of the Battle at Poltava in 1709, starring King Carl XII of Sweden and Czar Peter the Great of Russia. The photo depicts Swedish Secret Service agents performing a traditional pagan ice dance to celebrate the recovery of the second crown. Yet another crown remains to be recuperated.
Full Story

New Problems for Ingemar Forsmark:
Skiing star Ingemar Forsmark, son of former skiing superstar Ingemar Stenmark, tested positive for Polonium 210 in a preliminary doping screening this Saturday. The final test results are due on Sunday. If convicted, Mr Forsmark will be banned from skiing until December 20 (of which year remains to be determined).
Full Story

Free Turkish Bath in Central Stockholm
In an effort to woo Stockholmers for the upcoming potential entry of Turkey as a member of the European Union, the Turkish Embassy in Stockholm has decided to open a free Turkish Bath on Södermalm in Central Stockholm, not far from the Mosque there. In view of how cold Sweden is during the Winter, this seems like a smart move. "Turkish Baths are traditionally located next to Mosques," says Cecilia Ivarsson, female spokesperson of Markkontoret in Stockholm, to the Swedish World News. She continues: "This should not be construed as the Turkish Bath being intended primarily for the large Turkish population living in Stockholm."
Full Story

The International Space Station Lost In Space:
The International Space Station is lost in space after a wild vodka party. The culprit seems to be the Swedish/Norwegian cosmonaut (as they are called outside the US) Christer Fuglesang, who brought a crate of Linjeakvavit, a vodka that has matured by circumnavigating The Globe as the ballast of a sailing vessel. The accumulated Coriolis Force in the vodka seems to have interfered with the gyro compass of the space station, sending it off into space. "Jag reste alltet runt, men glömde fara, ty jag satt fången, här på Aniara," sang Cosmonaut Fuglesang to the Swedish World News (to Hilding Rosenberg's music), before all communication with the space station was lost.
Full Story

Chilean Ex-Dictator Pinochet Dead:
General Augusto Pinochet died from a heart attack today. Gen. Pinochet was installed as dictator of Chile in 1973 by the CIA during the US War on Democracy in Latin America, ousting democratically elected President Salvador Allende. Gen. Pinochet has been charged with more crimes against humanity than the soon-to-be-late former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.
Full Story

Nobel Banquet Cancelled This Year?
Normally, the guests of honor at the Nobel Banquet consist of the Nobel Prize Laureates, their families, and the Swedish Royal Family. This year, Princess Lilian---a member of the Swedish Royal Family---constitutes the entire set of Nobel Prize Laureates, due to her Grand Slam. She has furthermore declined to attend the banquet itself, on the grounds that she is 91 years old. "The Nobel Banquet may either turn into a family glögg party, or be cancelled altogether," says Queen Siliva to the Swedish World News.
Full Story
Group Photo From Last Years Nobel Banquet