Republican Lawmaker Proposes Arming Everyone:
Frank Lassie (R-Wisconsin; no relationship to the famous dog) has proposed arming everyone in the US society with butterfly knives, baseball bats, assault rifles, and a kit of Swiss-Army-Knife-style chemical, biological, and nuclear arms that his company manufactures. "I think this will greatly reduce the risk of tragic events, such as the school shootings in Lancaster, PA, and Columbine, CO," he explains to the Swedish World News over the phone. He concludes: "I'm afraid I must hang up now. It seems that one of the illegal immigrants working at my factory just went on a killing spree."
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