Bill Gates Replaces Rumsfeld:
Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, replaces Donald Rumsfeld as US Secretary of Defense. Mr Gates is highly qualified for the position, having written numerous computer war games in Basic before starting Microsoft. "I will focus on protecting this glorious country from computer viruses, funneling lucrative Defense contracts to Microsoft, and invading any country that infringes on Microsoft intellectual property rights, or threatens its market dominance," Mr Gates promises the Swedish World News.
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